Jeremy and Mr. Wasp...

Sorry, I am still laughing my head off over this. It was the funniest thing I haD ever seen! So here's what happened, most of it is a conversation between the two of us...

I am down stairs in the kitchen when I hear...

Jeremy: Debbie, where's the packing tape?!?

Me: Why?

Jeremy: Where is it?! I need it! 

Me: It's in the bedroom on the dresser.

Jeremy: Come up here, quick!!!!

I run up the stairs to find my husband hiding behind the door to 1 of our guest bedrooms. His pained and freaked out facial expression said it all. 

Me: What's wrong?

Jeremy: LOOK!!!! (pointing to the light with a little black thing flying around it.)

Me: What is it?

Jeremy: A WASP!!!!

Me: Why do you need the tape?

Jeremy: To catch it! 

Suddenly the wasp starts to migrate around the light. I give Jeremy the tape. He places it on the light fixture and RUNS away. 

Me: Huh, what's that gonna do? 

Jeremy: He's going to crawl onto the tape and get stuck. 

The wasp leaps off of the light onto the bed.

Both of us: AHHHHHHH!!!! 

Me: Catch him!!!

Jeremy: Give me something!

I toss him one of his under shirts........

Jeremy: NO, NO, Not my under shirt! Get me a towel! 

I grab a towel, Jeremy lunges towards the wasp with the towel. Cautiously lifting the towel to see if he got the wasp. The wasp is stuck on the towel, still alive.

Jeremy to the wasp: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE!?!?!?!?!? TELL ME! HOW!?!?!?!??!?!? 

The wasp didn't respond. He took his secret to his grave.... 

(R.I.P. Mr. Wasp)

Regifting

Guilty confession, I have regifted.  My philosophy is, hey, you give me a junky $2 candle set that even you wouldn't buy for yourself, don't be too surprised if you see that same candle set in a brown paper sack at next year's White Elephant Christmas party.

Reenactment: (Names have been changed to protect the crappy gift giver and my regifting accomplices...)

Friend A:"What are you bringing to the give at the party?"

Me: "EEEKKKK! That's tonight? Hmmmmmmmmm, how bout this?"

Friend A: "Didn't CGG (Crappy gift giver) give that to you?"

Me: "Yep..."

Friend A: "What is it?"

Me: "I think it's a teddybear jewelry set..."

Friend A: "How old are we?"

Me: "Apparently, she thinks we are all still 14 years old...:

Friend A: "Wrap it up lets go!"

Me: "Isn't she coming to the party?"

Friend A: "Yep"

Me: "Huh, this could get messy..."

The Party begins. White elephant game is underway. 2 hours pass. All gifts are given. 

CGG: "Wow! Look what I got? A teddy bear jewelry set! Debbie, didn't I get you one of these last year?  How great! Now we can have matching sets!"

Me:  "Great..."

You don't know how much juggling I had to do to weasel myself out of 'Matching Jewelry Tuesday'.  Lesson learned: Perhaps don't regift a gift while the person who gave it to you is there. 

Regifting is a frowned upon act. However, I think people fail to see the positive side of it. Such as, hey I didn't throw it away and look, now it can live to be regifted another day... We need to stay optimistic people! After so many transactions of regifting it will eventually wind up in the hands of someone who completely and totally loves it! Who am I to keep a gift, that in the future, could be given to someone who really wants it and could provide so much joy?!? So you see, it really is a service to the public to regift. Remember that when you feel the need to look down on someone for regifting, plus, we all know you've done it too! 

(Reenactment was based on a true story from my early 20's and NO, CGG never realized that the gift was originally from her to me.) Horrible? Maybe... But then again, maybe not...

Parenting = time share at plaza de crazy

(Disclaimer: This was written late at night and on about 3 hours of sleep from the night before. If you read this and have no idea what I'm talking about, don't worry, I'm sure I'll wake up tomorrow, read it, and wonder the exact same thing.....)

"Seriously?!? Why is there a puddle in the middle of my living room??!?!?" 

"Why is there an plastic army man sitting on the top shelf of the fridge?!?!?"

"Are you sure you aren't Chinese? Cause I have no idea what you are saying...."

     These are questions that either float through my mind or come out of my mouth. Charley is my energetic, cute, loving little guy. He loves toy cars, chicken nuggets and long strolls on the beach. He also loves to leave me a bit puzzled. 

     

     Case in point, food: The kid won't touch a banana but he'll eat play-doh....(scratching head in confusion) I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all about trying new things, but lets maybe master the basics before we dive into eating indigestible art supplies....

     Chocolate milk is a staple in my home. I actually start to panic when the carton gets below half. My 3 year old is like a heroin junky when it comes to his milk. He has the milk-man on speed dial and I already have an intervention scheduled for next month, I still have to write my letter....

     

     I have often heard that if your child doesn't end up in prison you have succeeded as a parent. You know I say, a better mark for success should be:

     

     1) Is my child making VooDoo dolls and sacrificing them in their room after you put them to bed?

     

     2) Have I caught my 3 year old driving my car and he didn't refill the tank when he got home?

     3) Does my child have a mysterious cash flow coming in from the playground?

If you answered 'YES' to any of these questions, you have failed and I am judging you right now for it. Can you feel the judgement? Ok not really cause I'm pretty sure Charley has been taking the car out late at night to buy and sell VooDoo dolls........

Clumsiness

     I am clumsy.  Very clumsy. We are talking falls down flights of stairs clumsy, 5 separate flights to be exact.  I am like a magnet to corners and it still amazes me that have all my toes. My poor husband fears for my life on a daily basis, he is convinced that it will be the end of me and he is probably right.  Charley seems to have inherited my poor coordination. The 2 of us are like peas in a pod when it comes to injuring ourselves. He too has stubbed his toes, hit his head on everything imaginable, and trips on his own two feet. Between the two of us, ice packs and bandages will have to bought in bulk.  

     Walking is always entertaining. It seems to slip my mind that you actually have to pick up your feet when walking. I often fall head first into the payment. tripping on absolutely nothing! Stairs, however, are my biggest aggravation. Inside stairs, outside stairs, doesn't matter, they both foul me up. My most memorable account of falling down the stairs was in Minneapolis. I was exiting my old apartment when I tripped, whacked my head up against the railing and slid, backwards, on my back, head first down the steps. Landing with my head on the payment. The memorable part being the homeless man standing over me laughing. I guess I can't blame him. It must have been a sight to see. No injuries excluding the softball size bruise on my tush. 

     That's the thing. I never really get hurt, but I always get hurt. How does that work? Can it be possible that one can injure themselves so much that the body knows what to do? Am I immune to broken bones because of my constant falls and tumbles? Well I'm not going to be testing out that theory. Instead I am going to cling to the safety rails and take my time walking down the street. I may be 30 minutes late, but at least I only fell 3 times instead of my usual 6. :)

The taming of the FRO!

     When I was younger and still today, I have been told by many that I should be grateful of the huge mound of thick curly hair on the top of my head. My Mom used to tell me, "People pay good money to have hair like yours!" To which my response would be, " You mean, people do this to themselves on purpose?" Years and years ago I had zero knowledge of how to tame my curls. I did all the wrong things. I brushed my hair everyday, I didn't use any product and I allowed my sweet Mother to cut my hair. Now my Mama, bless her heart, had no clue how to work with my crazy locks! She herself has thick wavy hair, not corkscrew curls like me. Lets just say, we have learned from the past...

     In Jr. High, I was still completely clueless. My sister used to tell me, "STOP BRUSHING YOUR HAIR!!!!" I would yell back "I"LL BRUSH IT IF I WANT TO!!!" As time went on I started to see that perhaps having a frizzy, huge fro wasn't the most attractive thing in the world. So I stopped brushing out my curls and gave into their craziness. Eventually adding gel and trying to work with them instead of against. 

    Sr. High was better. I had a routine down. The curls were actually starting to look decent. Of course, leave it to me to mess that up. It was a Spring afternoon the day I decided to cut my own hair. I was tired of the length and I wanted layers. So I put the scissors to my head, right in the front and went SNIP! COMPLETE DISASTER!!!!! I had single handedly ruined my hair! I was mortified! It was so short that it completely stuck out on 1 side! I panicked! I stuck about 50 bobby pins in my hair, drove over to my best friend's house and exclaimed "HELP!!!!" Alissa looked at me, trying not to laugh. "I'm sure it's not that bad." she said. I took my hand off of my forehead to show her the damage. It was that bad! She proceeded to make better what I had destroyed. Cutting my hair beautifully in a short, layered style. Alissa was now my official 'Hair cutter' .

     Now I was set! I had a hair stylist, hair gel, tons of hair spray, and I was more confident. Someone probably should have mentioned, hair gel and spray are extremely flammable. You would think commonsense would have kicked in. Of course they are flammable! Well, I wanted to have a 'Spa' Experience at home. What better way to do that then to take a bath with candles lining the tub. I had everything set, I laid down to relax when I smelled this horrible scent. "Huh" I thought, "What is that? I thought these were unscented candles?" I reach back and touched my hair. When I brought my hand back around I noticed I had a handful of HAIR!!!! I had set my hair on fire! *Note to self, half a can of hairspray on your head and an open flame do not mix...

    My 20's have been much more generous to my hair. I have finally figured out what to do and what not to do. But as they always say, "Location, location, location!"  Living in Phoenix was perfect! ZERO humidity! Talk about having a good hair day for 6 years straight! It was fabulous! Then we up and moved here to NY. My hair gets bigger and bigger by the second here. The moister in the air blows it up like a ballon. I very much resemble a clown. In fact, I have been tempted to dye my hair lots of bright colors, stick on a shiny red nose and call it a day. I don't think you can ever tame curly hair. You don't own it, it owns you! So to my fellow curly girls out there, I feel your pain. 

     

When I grow up...

     I was an odd child. My siblings could attest to that. I was very shy and quite. I used to talk to myself and wanted to be a variety of things when I grew up. Most little girls want to be Ballerinas, Nurses or Teachers. But not me, here are 3 of the many weird occupations I wanted to have as an adult...

Garbage Lady: In my defense, I wasn't aware that being a "Garbage Lady" meant I had to be around stinky trash all day. I was completely enamored with the concept of riding on the back of a truck. I would watch them hop off grab the trash and hop back on. It looked totally awesome!! You can imagine my disappointment when my sister lovingly explained to me all the unpleasant details of this possible profession. 

The Human Mannequin: If you wanted to go to the mall and I was tagging along, be prepared for complete and total embarrassment. I wanted to be a Human Mannequin! At random times during shopping trips I would mysteriously disappear. My Mother and Sisters would have no idea where I was. "Where's Debbie?" They would scope the store, a quick glance to the right and there I would be. Still as a statue, in the front window of the store posing with the mannequins. Most of the time in an awkward half running motion (cause that's how mannequins pose right?) . They would call my name and I wouldn't move a muscle. I was very dedicated to my craft. Somehow the mortified look on my sisters faces never seemed to bother me...

Infomercial Host: As I mentioned earlier, I loved to talk to myself. So naturally I wanted to be the host of a infomercial. At any given moment when I was at home you would find me either in the kitchen or in the bathroom talking away about the latest invention or item that everyone needed to have. "Here we have a lovely bar of soap. Notice how it lathers and easily washes off your hands. No household can be complete without this fantastic bathroom fixture..." I was very good. 

However, as time passed those dreams gave way to more practical vocations. But don't worry, I will always hold these jobs in high regard. In fact, everytime I see the garbage man, walk passed those mannequins or watch that paid program, I can't help but smile and be grateful that none of those professions worked out for me! :)

Snow drops keep falling on my head

"Why are you moving to Buffalo?"  "What?!? You are moving from Phoenix to Buffalo?" "So let me get this straight, you moved from sunny Phoenix to Buffalo in January?" "Why?????"

     "Yes, from Phoenix to Buffalo in January." Is always the answer. I have had what feels like a million people ask me these exact same questions over the course of the last 3 months. I completely understand the confusion. It snows a lot in Buffalo!  Now I didn't realize just how much until I moved here. I thought "A lot of snow, whatever! It probably snows a couple times a week and people are just all up in a tizzy over nothing!" Well......I was mistaken. Come to find out it SNOWS here ALOT!!!!! In fact, in the 8 weeks we have lived here it has snowed everyday!! EVERYDAY!!!!!!! Now sometimes it warms up enough to melt the snow on the ground. But don't get too excited! It will snow again within 5 hours of the meltage!!!
    Once again it is snowing. The wind is howling outside and the little white specks are falling peacefully to the ground. It is a beautiful sight! Like glitter being shaken over a piece of paper. This winter is a novelty. Having lived in Phoenix for the last 6 years I have been without this action. But the novelty is wearing off. I yearn for Spring! I want to see Western New York not cover in white fluff.

     So I will sit and watch the snow fall. Wondering how long this Winter will last. March 21st? I think not. I may have to wear my parka well into April before the cold breaks. Bring on the scarfs, coats and boots! We still have a long way to go my friends...

My arch nemesis: The gigantic, bulk box of Q-Tips...

     It was a rare cold evening in Phoenix the day the Q-Tips came into our lives.  Jeremy had gone to Costco and felt the need to purchase these agents of evil, in bulk. He put the box on the counter. He could barely contain his excitement. "Look!" he said, with a grin, "Q-Tips! In bulk! We'll never need to buy Q-Tips again!" "Huh..." I remarked. It wasn't long after that day that I would realized how big of pain this box would be.
    In the course of a year these Q-Tips would be a great source of frustration for me. I know you are thinking "Q-Tips?" But yes, Q-Tips. They would be lost and scattered around. The box would be too big to put in any drawer and too small to just stick into the hall closet. With this being the case, the big, bulk box of Q-Tips would randomly get lost. "Where are the Q-Tips?!?" I would hear. "Charley is eating the Q-Tips!" or "The Q-Tips are all over the floor in a huge line!" Were also common phrases that would chime through my tiny house. Then we moved....
     I thought for sure our relocation to New York would bring about positive changes in my relationship with the box of Q-Tips, but I was wrong, I was very wrong. In the course of packing, moving, unpacking and organizing, the Q-Tips managed to get lost once again. I discovered them one snowy day in a huge circle on my kitchen floor. Charley knew where they were the whole time. I threw away about 100 Q-Tips that day. However, even Charley's floor art didn't make a dent in this box. The box proceeded to float around the house. Being placed where ever I could that would insure they wouldn't be played with.
    Well, the war wages on, they are lost once again. I have looked high and low for the Q-Tips. I'm sure I will discover them in a bag or in a corner somewhere. When I do find them, every single last 1 of them will be thrown into the trash!

A little about me....

Well, talking about myself has never been my favorite thing to do. So instead here are 10 things about me you may not know:

1.) Jeremy is my soulmate. We were friends for years before we got together and I always kind of knew he was going to be my husband. He is a very hard worker and he is a wonderful husband and father! I also think he is the most handsome man I have ever seen! I could stare into his eyes for hours if he let me. Now he is also a pain in the butt! He likes to flirt like a little school boy! He knows all the right things to do to drive me crazy!

2.) I love being a mom! Charley is my little man and I love him more then life! He is my sweet baby!

3.) I love to watch people. I love watching how they interact with others and deal with different situations. I am obsessed with the show Bridezillas or any other reality/ documentary . I could watch every single episode multiple times and never get tired of them. Jeremy finds this to be slightly annoying, as I would if it wasn't me doing it.

4.) I always have to be drinking something. At any given moment I will have a beverage of some sort in my hand. This can range from a bottle of water to a glass of wine. However, 9 times out of 10 it will be a Dr. Pepper.

5.) Sarcasm is to me as water is to the ocean. I always have a snotty comment to make, I don't always say it, but trust me, it's there.

6.) I stub my toe at least once a week if not more. I have fallen down multiple flights of stairs in my lifetime. I am convinced that my clumsiness will bring about my tragic demise.

7.) I do believe in Ghosts. I have no idea where this fits into my world view and life after death (Heaven and Hell) , but I do believe in them.

8.)  I am VERY ticklish! Esp under my knees! If you try to tickle me I will do anything to get you to stop. I am not responsible for any personal injury you may experience during this process.

9.) If I had to choose between chocolate and vanilla ice cream I will choose vanilla every time!

10.)  The most annoying word in the English language is "persnickety". My eye actually starts to twitch when I hear it!

SO there you have it. 10 things about me you may not have known. I am an odd person but hey, aren't we all!?!? :)
I started this Blog not only because I think it's cool but also to get on paper what floats through my head. It's getting crowded in there and I need all the room I can get! This Blog ="Space bags" for my thoughts...